Ted Franchise
As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases.
[ Season 1 Season 2 !Ted (2012) !Ted (2015) ]
As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases.
This is the magical story of a young boy whose teddy-bear magically came to life.
Luckily for the viewing public, the story was written and directed by Seth McFarlane (Family Guy).
We skip forward through the 1980s, to the present day.
Ted (Seth MacFarlane -
The Orville
) and his best buddy (Mark Wahlberg -
The Big Hit
) are now a pair of thirty-something slackers ...
Wahlberg has a girlfriend ( Mila Kunis ) and is in line for promotion at work. He has to start acting like a grown-up, so his old friend Ted has to go.
The film is riddled with pop-culture references. There is even an extended cameo by Sam Jones - Ted's childhood hero from Flash Gordon ! Giovanni Ribisi ( The Gift ) pops up as Ted's stalker.
This starts with Ted the Stoner Bear (Seth MacFarlane -
The Orville
) marrying his girlfriend,
Tammy Lynn the Boston Hoer.
They decide to start a family,
which results in a series of slapstick situations
involving Ted, his best buddy John (Marky Mark Wahlberg –
The Big Hit
) and various quantities of semen.
Unfortunately, when Ted tries to adopt a kid it is revealed that the US Government does not consider him to be a person. He was a slacker so his lack of citizenship was never an issue, but now the legal rights he took for granted are stripped from him. Luckily, he and John find a pro-bono lawyer ( Amanda Seyfried ) who is willing to help.
The first movie focused on John’s relationship with Lori ( Mila Kunis ). Now he has divorced her, so there is a romance subplot with the lawyer. She is ten years younger so she does not get many Ted’s movie references, especially two that apply to her. Her name is Samantha L Jackson, making her the namesake of the actor from Kingsman . Also, her big emotive eyes and pointy feminine chin give her the same facial features as a certain character from Lord of the Rings .
Donny (Giovani Ribisi – The Gift ) is back, plotting to sabotage Ted’s law case. He wants Ted for himself – no mention is made of his creepy son.
The climax is at the NYC Comic-Con, where Guy (Patrick Warburton – The Tick ) and his new lover (Michael Dorn – Star Trek: TNG ) dress up as their Sci-Fi Alter-Egos The Tick & Lieutenant Worf and beat up nerds. Sam J Jones ( Flash Gordon ) also gets a couple of appearances in.
Ted (2024) [Season 1, Episode 1]
Just Say Yes
It is 1993, and John is sixteen years old. Ted (Seth MacFarlane - The Orville ) is still living with the family, although his rough-around-the-edges humour is called out by John's Politically Correct cousin Blaire Bennett ( Giorgia Whigham ).
Ted screwed up and gets enrolled in High School with John as punishment. He plans to get expelled, but the Principal ( Penny Jerrold Johnson ) prefers to make him her personal project. Ted still plots to get expelled. However, his schemes just create problems for other people. Cousin Blaire is put in the firing line.
This story has been split into two thirty-minute episodes. It is not a laugh-a-minute experience like the movies. Instead it seems intended as thought-provoking, like the later Seasons of The Orville as opposed to straight-up comedy Family Guy.
Ted (2024) [Season 1, Episode 2]
My Two Dads
Ted and John prank-call the school bully, pretending to be the boy's long-lost father. Their prank gets out of hand, and they end up long-distance parenting him for real.
John's dad has to go to the doctor for a colonoscopy. He insists that John's Politically Correct cousin Blaire Bennett ( Giorgia Whigham ) accompany him.
Ted (2024) [Season 1, Episode 3]
Ejectile Dysfunction
Ted and John want to rent a porno movie from the video store. They get fake IDs.
Ted (2024) [Season 1, Episode 4]
Subways, Bicycles, and Automobiles
John's Politically Correct cousin Blaire Bennett ( Giorgia Whigham ) insists Ted accompany her to a halloween party as her designated driver. She is dressed as Catwoman from Batman Returns , while Ted is Wicket from Return of the Jedi .
Ted (2024) [Season 1, Episode 5]
Desperately Seeking Susan
John's Politically Correct cousin Blaire Bennett ( Giorgia Whigham ) interferes in her relatives' marriage. She accuses her uncle of storming off every time someone confronts him.
John's mother Susan wanted to become a teacher when she was younger. When the English teacher gets fired for having a mental breakdown, John and Ted convince the headmistress ( Penny Jerrold Johnson ) to hire Susan as the substitute teacher.
Ted (2024) [Season 1, Episode 6]
Loud Night
John's father is sick of everyone turning against him. He makes a wish on a falling star to have someone that takes his side ... and his child-hood toy comes to life. Not a teddy-bear, but a toy dump-truck. This leaves Ted sidelined for most of the episode, as Donny the Dump-truck becomes the politically incorrect one for the week.
John's Politically Correct cousin Blaire Bennett ( Giorgia Whigham ) has her college friend stay over for the Xmas holidays. It turns out that Blaire is bisexual, and she is having a lesbian relationship with her friend. Now she adopts the same strategy she accused her uncle of - she storms off every time someone confronts her.
Ted (2024) [Season 1, Episode 7]
He's Gotta Have It
John wants to lose his virginity. The good news is he meets a pretty girl from his class who is interested in spending time with him. The bad news is that Ted tries to help by pretending John has a more active sex life.
Ted (2024) [Season 2, Episode 1]
Talk Dirty to Me
John and Ted discover a telephone landline in the school basement, and use it to call an expensive sex line. Eventually the Principal ( Penny Johnson Jerald ) gets the invoice from the phone company, and assigns investigator Mr Lawrence to locate the culprit. He takes his job very seriously, from inflicting collective punishment by cancelling the school prom to corporal punishment by paddling the guilty parties. John and Ted decide to copy Shawshank Redemption and pass the blame onto a fictional student.
John's Politically Correct cousin Blaire Bennett ( Giorgia Whigham ) refuses to forgive her estranged father. Her uncle automatically puts his foot down and invites his brother, Blaire's father, to stay at the house indefinitely. Of course, the brother is a bit of a bully. Once again, Blaire is the smart one who always wins.
Ted (2024) [Season 2, Episode 2]
Mrs. Robicheck
John and Ted get roped in to help John's dad's business. The client, Mrs. Robicheck ( Michaela McManus ), seduces Ted. Yes, this episode is a parody of The Graduate.
John's father has erectile dysfunction. This subplot crosses over with the main storyline when the jealous husband returns home early.
Ted (2024) [Season 2, Episode 3]
Dungeons & Dealers
John's Politically Correct cousin Blaire Bennett ( Giorgia Whigham ) needs marijuana to study for her exams. John and Ted have exhausted their personal supply, so they visit the new dealer. He is a twenty-something who is still in High School, so the audience is primed to expect him to be a moron.
The dealer is Dungeon Master of a role-playing game. His regular players quit on him, so he gets the new customers to step in with some pre-generated characters he has drawn up. There are even a couple left over so John's parents can join in the game.
The idea of doing table-top Dungeons and Dragons in a sitcom has been covered by Community. However, MacFarlane actually has his characters in costume on some Fantasy sets, so it is visually impressive. Perhaps he had some cash left over from The Orville .
This episode cover a lot of hypocrisy. For example, Nancy Reagan's anti-drugs message was Get high on life but at the same time Tipper Gore wanted to outlaw simple pastimes like Rock Music and role-playing games. Ted points out that there are no people of colour in the RPG game ... but if the DM included characters out of the Arabian Nights, he would be accused of racist stereotyping and cultural imperialism.
On a similar note, Ted and John discuss the possibility of a Reverse Centaur with the head of a horse and the body of a man. They mock it as if nobody ever thought of something like that. If anything, this Reverse Centaur would just be a horsey Minotaur.
Ted (2024) [Season 2, Episode 4]
The Mom's Bombed Rom-Com
John's Politically Correct cousin Blaire Bennett ( Giorgia Whigham ) holds a birthday party. Unfortunately she does not appreciate that her lesbian lover cannot come out to her family because it would be difficult for a Person of Colour to do that in the 1990s. This means they break up.
John's father has a bowel disorder, as implied in the previous episode. He ends up with Blaire, watching some VHS rom-coms like Pretty Woman and Ghost .
Ted boasts about a sexual encounter he never had, and John wants to be set up on a double date. Suffice to say, it does not go as planned.
Ted (2024) [Season 2, Episode 5]
The Sword in the Stoned
John wants a hot girlfriend. He also needs an extra-curricular activity for his college application. Luckily he can combine these two interests by joining the theatre club. This gets them bullied by the school athletes, who eloquently explain how they feel undermined by the existence of people with interest in the higher arts.
John and Ted become extras in the school play, an Arthurian romance about Lancelot and Guinevere. The girl playing Guinevere takes an interest in John. However, she is relying on the play's success for her own career prospects. When John and Ted inevitably screw it up, they will not just be ruining things for themselves.
John's parents get jobs at Dunkin Donuts to pay the bills. They blame President Bill Clinton's NAFTA bill for exporting blue-collar jobs to Mexico. By incredible coincidence, Clinton arrives in town and visits the donut store. This is the big chance to take Clinton down a peg or two, but it does not go down as expected.
Ted (2024) [Season 2, Episode 6]
Roe v. Weed
John's Politically Correct cousin Blaire Bennett ( Giorgia Whigham ) gets morning sickness. John's mother holds a baby shower for her.
Blaire arranges an abortion. John and Tedd help her. John's mother goes to confession with a paedophile priest. John's father abducts the man he believe to be the sperminator, who turns out to be a fellow right-wing Xian fanatic.
Ted (2024) [Season 2, Episode 7]
Susan Is the New Black
John and Ted buy a two-hunderd dollar bag of weed. Unfortunately they get caught with it. John's mother takes the fall for them, and gets sent to jail. It is only a ten-day sentance, but she is very popular among the other inmates ...
The men of the Bennett family have to do basic housework such as cooking and cleaning. Of course, this turns out to be too much for them. John's Politically Correct cousin Blaire Bennett ( Giorgia Whigham ) does nothing to help until eventually begged to.
Ted (2024) [Season 2, Episode 8]
Fraudcast News
John's father, being a racist in poor health, has a heart attack. The doctor (Tuvok - Star Trek: VGR ) advises him to avoid all sources of stress.
The OJ Simpson verdict is announced. John and Ted create a fake newspaper with a different verdict, so their dad does not discover the truth, but then they have to keep producing a new issue every day. They even fake a cable TV news show on a VHS tape.
John's Politically Correct cousin Blaire Bennett ( Giorgia Whigham ) helps out at first, but she has her own agenda.