ORBzine - Movies on Television December 1999
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Near Dark
Ten years on the current look at vampires is Buffy and John Carpenter's Vampires . Is this overly-serious gore-fest any comparison? |
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The Abominable Dr Phibes
This film was made in the early 1970s, when Hammer Horror was on the way out and long after Price had been immortalised in Roger Corman 's adaptations of the works of Edgar Allan Poe . The film from the period that this most resembles is Price's very similar Theatre of Blood (with Milo O'Shea - Barbarella ). In this reviewer's opinion TOB is a superior film (OTT, but not TOO much), but the fact is that Phibes spawned a sequel and TOB did not. And a shame, too. The most similar modern film would have to be Se7en - yes, the David Fincher masterpiece is nothing if not a much darker, grittier version of the later films of Vincent Price, and Kevin Spacey is a subtle and understated contrast to the master of OTT. |
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Excalibur
Uther Pendragon, Arthur's father, is played by Gabriel Byrne - now Satan in End of Days ! Strange that Dubliner should play a British King whose claim was One land, one King - but what the hell, stranger things have been known. Richard Harris once played Oliver Cromwell! The real star of the film is Merlin, played by Nicol Williamson - best known as Sherlock Holmes in The 7% Solution. Other interesting names in the credits (beyond Liam Neeson, who was later in Krull and Star Wars: Phantom Menace! !) are
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The Fearless Vampire Killers
The title characters, heroes vaguely reminiscent of Van Helsing and Jonathan Harker (played by Polanski himself), travel to a remote village to seek out and destroy vampires. Polanski's RL wife, Sharon Tate , plays a village wench. In one scene a Jewish vampire remains unaffected by a Christian crucifix. Later innovations include a steam-powered cannon and a hunch-back who uses a coffin as a toboggan. But the clincher has to be the ending, an unexpected yet completely fitting twist. |
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Jumanji
The CGI loosed upon the city is wreaking havok - and in order to stop it, the kids and Williams must play the game to its conclusion. And thus yet MORE CGI SPFX tears through the house. The Williams character's unsteady relationship with his father is reflected in the appearance of a huntsman cast in the same mould. Beyond tepid soap-opera histrionics and a lot of CGI SPFX, there is very little to the film. And to those who feel Robin Williams has not been much since Mork and Mindy ended, this film is not more than mildly entertaining.
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Critters
A group of dangerous aliens called Krites escape from an intergalactic prison, and land in the American Midwest circa 1988. The aliens eat everything in sight, starting with the cattle and the moving on to the rednecks in nearby farms. Earth's only hope is a teenage boy who builds dynamite for fun. The Krites are pursued by a couple of shape-changing Bounty Hunters. One of them is played by genre favourite Terrence Mann ( Solar Warriors ). |
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Gremlins
A travelling salesman buys a strange Chinese animal, a Mogwai, as a Christmas present for his son (Zach Galligan). The son breaks the rules of looking after the creature, and as a result an army of Gremlins ransack their town. The local deputy (Johnathan Banks - Seaquest DSV ) is ineffectual, so Galligan and his girlfriend ( Phoebe Cates ) have to save the day. |
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Superman
The film starts on planet Krypton, where a bunch of human-looking creatures (with an extremely advanced civilisation) are faced with the destruction of their planet. Not so advanced, eh? The only one who takes the impending apocalypse seriously is Marlon Brando - in one of the most highly-paid performances ever (another contender is his turn as Colonel Kurtz in Apocalypse Now, made a couple of years later) he sends his baby son to Earth. Brando also pops up in Superman's Fortress of Solitude at the North Pole, as a recording made to tutor the UberMensch. The Christ metaphor is blatant - Brando states Earth humans' potential for good is unlimited. That is why I sent them my only begotten son. What is truly shocking about this film is, how can SPFX have gone downhill in the last twenty years? How much damage has modern reliance on CGI really done to on-screen SPFX? |
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Strange Days
The film itself, though long, is lacklustre. The near-future setting is only relevant insofar as the mcguffin is a disc with human memories encoded on it. New Year's Eve 1999 seemed suitably exotic in 1995, but the technology has never been believable. Interesting within the film, certainly, but not convincing. Angela Bassett ( Critters 4, Innocent Blood ) is tough, sexy, everything a woman should be - although she cannot convey anger beyond gritting her teeth. Tom Sizemore looks strange with hair. Fiennes is just plain sleazy, but pitiable. Juliette Lewis (From Dusk Til Dawn ) is herself, but tries (unsuccessfully) to be sexy. Poor girl. |
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This is the late 1980s look at the vampire mythos, courtesy of
Yes, the most extravagant and OTT incarnation of Vincent Price
makes a very welcome small-screen appearance.
Phibes seeks vengeance on the surgical staff
whose operation failed to save his beloved wife -
and he uses a range of exotic death-traps to remove those he hates,
in the theme of the biblical plagues.
Yes,
This is one of
A mysterious board-game called Jumanji is buried by its owners,
and dug up 100 years later (in the 1960s) by a young boy
with the patented Hollywood tough childhood.
He and his female amigo start playing, and CGI SPFX appear.
The boy is sucked into the game, and the movie fast-forwards three decades.
The house is bought by a woman and her orphaned nephew and niece.
The kids find the game, start playing - and along with more CGI SPFX up pops Robin Williams.
Yes, the 1960s kid grew up inside the game!
First in the series (3 and 4 were reviewed in the first Quarter of the year,
and are available through the
Eclipsed by a flashier, tongue-in-cheek sequel
that pointed out the failings in the story's logic (it's always midnight somewhere)
and ripped off by lower-budget efforts (
Yes, the man of steel flies again.
Set in the last days of 1999, this 1995
Return to the Winter Solstice 1999 Index